Quiet Confidence

By Ethan Silber Have you ever felt like an imposter and thought, “Who am I kidding?” This is usually followed by a bunch of self-defeating thoughts about how you aren’t good enough to do this or that. If this happens from time to time, you’re normal. If it’s held you back, then I have some fresh ideas for you that helped me. When I was the backup quarterback for the Mission Bay High Buccaneers, I would get a few snaps here and there when the game was almost over or the starting QB was injured. Nobody said anything about my size then, but the next year when I was tapped to be the starting quarterback, a lot of people thought I was undersized. I knew I could do it, and hearing from the haters made me that much more determined to prove them wrong—and I did. By the middle of the season people stopped comparing me to the previous quarterback who graduated after being one of the best QBs in our division. At the end of the year I was also considered a top QB in our division and was named an All Star and got to play in Italy. Here’s some things that helped me feel confident and project confidence.   

Will You Please Sit Up? Ha! My parents were right when they told me to sit and stand up straight. Just putting your chin up and chest out and walking “tall” makes you look and feel more confident.Maybe The Grass is Greener on the Other Side… Because It’s Fake

Comparing yourself to others is a losing proposition. I didn’t try to be like the previous quarterback, I played a different style of football, one that emphasized my strengths. Instead, compete against yourself. Watch What You SayI could sometimes hear a fan shout something my way. I can’t control what they say, but I can control what I say to myself. I decided to be my own biggest fan. Watch what you say… to yourself.

What Would Tom Brady Do? Tom Brady was a backup in college. He was then picked near the end of the NFL draft and only got his chance after the starter was hurt—but he was ready. His mission was to become a starter, so he dedicated himself to that goal. My goal has always been to play football in college. It pushed me past any self doubt. Our why drives us to do more and be more. Find something bigger than yourself to push you past your fears.

You Do You

Authenticity is underrated. When you live your truth it’s your superpower. Trying to be someone you’re not does not inspire confidence. When you know what brings out the best in you, what makes you unique, and how you prefer to do things it’s liberating. Our offensive coordinator was, well… he was fired right after the season ended. I had to improvise a lot which meant I was relying on my speed and agility to make things happen when the play wasn’t working. It worked. When we needed a first down I often had to call an audible and improvise.

Get a Clue When a person just like you has done what you want to do it can give you the confidence to go for it. Following in the wake of others who have gone before is inspiring—and informative. Vince Papale is the former bartender who tried out for the Philadelphia Eagles and made the team as a special teams player. There’s a movie about him called Invincible. In college, the only way I get on the field is on special teams, so I wrote to Vince Papale for advice. He sent me back one of his football cards and signed it: “To Ethan. Never quit! —Vince.” That inspired me and gave me the confidence to be the best special teams player I can be.

Find Your Inner McGuyver My parents used to watch this show where the main character named MacGuyver could solve most problems with a paperclip. (I’m only slightly exaggerating.) When we are resourceful and look at problems as opportunities to learn, grow, and show off our cleverness, we gain confidence each time we overcome one. I’m confident when there’s a challenge in my life I will find a way to overcome it.

Focus On What You Have, Not On What You Don’t

When you focus on what you have, you’ll always have more. When you focus on what you don’t have, you’ll always have less. I read that somewhere and it stuck with me. Starting each day by thinking of a few things we are grateful for is a self-esteem builder. At Cal Lutheran where I played my first two seasons as a college football player, I only got in on a couple of plays. I won’t lie, it was frustrating, but I learned a lot from my coaches and in class. It didn’t go how I planned, but it was a really good way to start my career and for that I am grateful.

Just Jump

When I was eleven my dad and I swam from La Jolla Shores to The Cove to jump off a 30-foot cliff into the ocean. I climbed up first and when I got to the top my dad started to tell me where to launch from and I just looked at him, winked, and jumped. I know, dangerous. Sometimes it’s better to act and react. To take a leap of faith (like Indiana Jones in The Last Crusade). Just going for it and trusting things will work out is the secret to many who’ve done great things.

Looking Good Will Farrell said, “Don’t wear skinny jeans if you don’t have skinny genes.” I believe if you look good, you feel good, and if you feel good you’re more confident. Wear what is flattering, fits your body type, projects the image you want, and makes you feel good about yourself. Do Your HomeworkMost people would rather be in the coffin than give the eulogy at a funeral. I’m taking a class on public speaking and I found that what helps build confidence when asked to speak in public (or do anything we’re afraid of) is prep work. Knowledge is power, so do your homework. Practice makes perfect…sense. The more we rehearse the more confident we become. Last, but in no way least, is to prepare for the worst. Run through the worst-case scenario and have a back up plan.

Do The Right Thing

I think we should pretend someone is always watching so even if we’re tempted to cut corners or push the envelope of what’s right, we stop ourselves. Confidence comes from knowing we always did the right thing. Plus, karma is a… real thing. What? You thought I was gonna say something else?